Elegance, Part III

(If you are going to read this, I suggest you read Elegance Part I and Part II first.)

Broke.

That word, that awful, hideous, loathsome word. It was the  word that made Frank's dinner with Betty impossible.  But could a word stop Frank from having a date with the most beautiful woman in the world? Of course not! Frank was  to have a perfectly elegant dinner with Betty Mason! And he knew someone who could help him.

After work, Frank walked back to his apartment. He needed to call his friend... but telephones were expensive. The only telephone that Frank knew of was in the lobby of the hotel, and that was only to be used by Mr. Howard, the hotel manager. Frank had used it one before, and Mr. Howard got really really really mad.

What was more important, a room to live in, or a date with Betty Mason? Well, reasoned Frank.

I can't pay the hotel bill already. I'll get evicted even if I don't use the telephone.
That night, at 12:01 A.M., Frank crept down the stairs to the lobby. He was quiet as a mouse... sort of.

The light came on. Frank dove behind a chair as Mr. Howard came out of his room with a pistol.

"Who's there!" he cried.

Frank didn't move. Mr. Howard paced the room, muttering, "Come out and fight. I know you're after my telephone. Come and get it!" After what seemed like hours, Mr. Howard went back to his room, but left the light on.

"Oh, brilliant," muttered Frank. “If I stand up, Mr. Howard will see me!”

Frank knew he had to do something. In one fluid motion, he stood up, turned off the light and hid behind the chair again.

Mr. Howard was ready for him. The manager leaped out of his room and raced to Frank’s hiding spot. Before Mr. Howard could see this ‘intruder’, Frank punched him in the face, knocking him out cold.

Frank grabbed the telephone, but before he started to speak to the operator, he remembered. It was 12:05 A.M. His friend probably wasn’t even awake.

*****

The next morning, Frank found an eviction note on his door.

“You have failed to pay all of your bills,” it read. Well, at least Mr. Howard hadn’t figured out that Frank was the  ‘intruder’.

As Frank gathered  his possessions (which weren’t many)and walked downstairs, where he saw Mr. Howard wiring an odd contraption to the telephone.

“Good morning, Mr. Howard,” said Frank. “What are you doing?”

Mr. Howard finished the wiring of the contraption. He noticed Frank’s eviction note. “Oh yes. The hotel won’t be the same without you, Frank.”

“So what’s that thing-a-ma-jiggy you’re putting on the telephone?”

Mr. Howard grimaced. “Last night, a thief came in here to steal the telephone. Fortunately, I scared him off.”

Frank laughed inwardly at Mr. Howard’s lie and then saw the grandfather clock. It was 9:30. “Holy Cabooses, I’m late for work!” Frank cried. He raced to the Manson’s house, but when he reached the gate, he remembered: it was Saturday, his day off.

Poetry

(I decided to take a break on 'Elegance'. I hope you like these)

 

A Deck of Cards

The Queen was in the kitchen

The King was in his room.

The Jack was sleeping soundly

And the Ten was using it’s loom.

The Nine was eating some cupcakes

The Eight was making some more.

The Seven was doing the laundry

And the Six was fixing the door.

The Five was singing an aria

While the Four was dancing along.

The three was planting a flower

And the Two was feeling quite strong.

But where were the Jokers?

Falling From the Sky

Mother! Mother! Guess what I saw!

A pie falling from the sky!

(Not now, honey, I’m busy!)

Father! Father! Guess what I saw!

A sandwich falling from the sky!

(Son, can’t you see I’m on the phone!)

Brother! Brother! Guess what I saw!

Some pears falling from the sky!

(Would you please shut your mouth? I need to beat this level!)

Sister! Sister! Guess what I saw!

A burrito falling from the sky!

(You are like, so like, weird, like, you know?)

Drat! I guess I'll have to take the bucket of water down from the door.

Elegance, Part II

 Horace, the butler, walked stiffly into the garden. He bowed to Betty and Mrs. Mason, and then pulled Mr. Mason aside. Frank, never one to not be included, silently edged closer to the two men.

“It’s that foolish Wallace Redcliff,” Horace was saying.

“Oh, not again! That man has more problems in his bank account than there are sands by the sea!”

Wallace Redcliff was a miser who deposited all his money into Mr. mason’s bank, but he always complained that this money was being stolen or that he wasn’t getting the right amount of interest.

“He wants to discuss his ‘problem’ on Wednesday night,” Wallace said contemptuously.

“I suppose it’s my duty,” groaned Mr. Mason. Then he turned to his wife and niece.

“I have to be gone all Wednesday evening on business,” he said.

Mrs. Mason gasped. “But I have an appointment at the doctor’s that night! I think that I’m allergic to those yellow flowers over there!”

Mrs. Mason thought she was allergic to every flower under the sun, but she insisted to go to the doctor’s every week.

Then Betty gasped. “What will I do that night?” she wailed. “I hate the doctor’s and business is boring!”

Her aunt and uncle immediately comforted their sobbing niece when Frank got an idea.

“I could take Betty out for dinner,” he said hopefully.

The Mason’s and their niece gaped at Frank. “To where would you take someone as dignified as my niece to, Frank?” asked Mrs. Mason threateningly. “A donut shop?”

“Oh, I’ll take her to… uh…”

At this point, Frank realized the mistake he had made. He was in love with Betty, but with the pay he got, where would he take her?  

                “Alain Ducasse at the Essex House Restaurant,” Frank blurted out before he could stop himself.

                At this, Betty stopped sobbing. “You mean it?” she asked hopefully. “That restaurant that all the fashionable girls go to?”

                “uh, yeah,” replied Frank.

                This proved to be one of the dumbest things he ever said.

Elegance

(This story was inspired by the movie Hello, Dolly! which I highly recommend. It will be serialized, so the next part will come next week. If in the middle of the story, it says 'banana fairy' or 'doodle' or 'hyperbole', it was an accident. Someone was messing with Auto Correct Options for April Fools.)

New York City, New York, 1901

The blunt truth of it all was that  Frank Harlin was broke. His wallet was empty and his bank account was just more evidence that he was destitute. It didn’t help either that his apartment bills were sky-rocketing. So when he woke up every morning, his brain only processed one word.

BROKE.

And the worst part of it all was that he had a dinner engagement!

It had happened like this. The morning had dawned clear and bright., and Frank just knew it was going to be a good day.

He got to the Mason’s house for work at 9:01. One minute late? Amazing!

Mr. Mason, master of Mason Place, laughed when Frank came running in. “Frank Harlin, the apocalypse must be coming soon! You’re only one minute late! Have a cup of coffee… you deserve it today!”

A double good omen! Mr. Mason in a good mood and doodle rare cup of coffee! At this rate, I might get doodle pay raise! Thought Frank excitedly.

When he started weeding the flower bed, Mrs. Mason, a victim of mysophobia, hesitatingly walked through the garden and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Frank,” she said, eying his dirty gloves with distaste. “Can you… Will you… I need some flowers for April Fools! Tea party tonight!”

Wow, thought Frank. If Mrs. Mason was coming outside and asking for flowers, either the apocalypse was coming or today was a day full of lucky happenings. And my luck is going to change! Frank thought happily.

Then the best thing of all happened. Betty Mason, niece of Mr. Mason, came up to Frank and said good morning!

Betty Mason lived in the country with her slightly batty parents, who attempted to breed mules while feeding chickens chocolate instead of seeds. Betty hadn’t inherited any of their, er, silliness, but she did love donkeys. She also was about as beautiful as Aphrodite.

Apparently, Betty was going to spend the week in New York with her aunt and uncle. She had come on similar vacations before, and this time, she acknowledged Frank’s presence! The planets must be aligned, thought Frank, smiling like the Cheshire Cat.